Yeah I know. I said last time that I wouldn't do regular recaps of TV Land's modeling reality show, "She's Got the Look." But after the whole Paula debacle from last week, I felt the need for some kind of closure which we all know, is best done via blogging.
For one, I still can't believe that Sharon, the spunky 63 year old is gone. Her absence makes me call bullsh*t on this entire competition. I mean, she was lovely, had lots of personality and a good back story. Don't these people know how reality shows operate? She should have won the whole thing!
Anyway, it turns out that I wasn't alone in my grief because at the beginning of this week's show, super svelt model Karin is visibly upset about Sharon's ouster too. Karin (who has an accent that up until now I've never noticed) tearfully remarks that she and Sharon had become good friends during their time on the show (which I'm guessing was three days max. ) She is incensed when resident bitch Roxanne plops herself down on Sharon's now vacant bed because, in her own words, she was too lazy to make up her own bed. Karin thinks this is extremely disrepectful and sobs while telling Roxanne to move her ass. Karin kind of reminds me of Sveltlana, the one legged Russian with whom Tony has a brief affair on The Sopranos. I really miss that show and I loved Svetlana so now I'm warming up to Karin.
Later Celeste, the hot 50 year old who won't let you forget she's a hot 50 year old, reminds the ladies that this is a competition. Why is it that on every competitive reality show there always one contestant that feels the need to remind everyone of this fact over and over again?
House mother Tanya thinks Celeste has a certain "hardness to her" and asks her why she keeps reminding everyone that this is a competition when it's pretty damn obvious with, you know, the challenges and cameras and all. Celeste mumbles something about it being a competition (again) and not taking these little relationships seriously. She actually says in an extremely annoying voice "It's a comp-e-tition BAY-beeeee" and she draws out that eeeeee sound for dramatic effect. It makes me want to slap that ugly ass argyle sweater off of her impressively hot 50 year old body.
At the site of the first challenge 80s model Kim Alexis (wearing a turquoise blue satin short sleeved button-up blouse in a snakeskin print that looks as busy as it sounds) reveals to the women that the challenge will be of the runway variety. She introduces a special coach and guest judge...none other than Roshumba.
You know what I think is weird? Roshumba sported short natural hair when no one else was rocking it and now that you can't walk ten paces at the mall without smacking face first into someone's two strand twists, braids, afro puff or locs, Rosumba is wearing a relaxer. She looks good though and hasn't aged a day, unlike her ex husband Gary Dourdan who's been looking a bit musty lately. Anyway, she explains different types of walks to the ladies including the "new school" walk which apparently is all in how you cross. The challenge is that the women must fashion a dress out of burlap and rope and then make it work on the runway. Haven't we seen this type of challenge a million times already?
When all is clipped and done the looks are unvieled. Hope (who has found her niche as the show's comic relief) takes the stage in an outift no doubt inspired by those old 1960s Hercules movies. Her walk is old school Cruella DeVille and when Roshumba asks her who she is wearing she says Versace, but she pronounces it Ver-saw-shhh which reminded me of Nomi Malone in "Showgirls" and her VERS-ace dress.
Karin takes the stage like a cracked out disco gypsy much to everyone's amusement. She finishes by doing the robot which only made me love her more because she was being serious. Tanya's dress looks like it was made by the wardrobe mistress from 10,000 BC. Bahia, inspired by 60s Chanel, manages to put together something decent. She said a few things but I get so enraptured listening to her smokey voice that I forgot to write it down. I don't remember anything about Melissa's dress but the woman has great legs. Celeste manages to walk and silently judge everyone in the room at the same time. She's like that woman at church on Easter Sunday who goes out of her way to make sure she has the biggest and most unique hat and when people compliment her on it she's like "what? this old thing? I almost threw it out!
Then there's Paula, who shares that she bought her first pair of heels 6 months prior to the show. To put it nicely, the woman walks like a cat with a severe case of rickets. Because everyone is still afraid of her from last week, no one says anything catty.
Back at the apartment Beverly Johnson drops by. Remember when Bev was dating Mr. Big? Anyway, she comes over and brings a big box of wigs with her.Tanya dives headfirst into the box and emerges with a sassy and short blonde wig. Roxanne puts a longer blonde wig on her own head and somehow comes out looking 15 years older. The camera then shows Paula fussing with a cropped reddish wig. Even though Bev picked this wig especially for Paula she doesn't like it and thinks it makes her looks like Aretha Franklin. She clearly wants a longer wig and in the end slaps a shoulder length number on her head to salve the pain.
Now it's time for Bev to sit everyone down to play a game of self-exploitation and reveal something no one else knows about them to the group (and the 12 viewers of the show.)
Celeste volunteers to go first and tells everyone that she's 50. Just kidding. She reveals that she plays the saxophone. Big whoop. Bahia shares that growing up in a Muslim family, she wasn't comfortable being a girl at times and still doesn't know quite how to express herself. Karin feels her pain and shares that she too had these issues because her father a farmer and a boxer or something but then she starts crying and I can't understand what she's saying but she and Bahia hug so I guess they felt healing.
Tanya shares that people always thought she was pretty growing up and then one day when she was 13 some girls jumped her and stabbed her 7 times.
I know, HOLY SH*T, right?
How do you feel about sharing your sax story now Celeste? Thanks for opening up about that one.
Who can share after that revelation? Paula tries to steal some shine and adds that she didn't know that that kind of stuff happened to pretty people and oh, by the way, she doesn't feel pretty either (yeah, we know Paula!) Roxanne, whom I am sure thought that she would finish big, shares that she was in a loveless marriage and didn't believe in divorce until you know, she got divorced. She's wearing Paula's discarded wig (which makes her look 60) and does her best to cry her way back into the spotlight but it ain't working. Did your husband stab you 7 times? No? Then STFU!
Final challenge time. The ladies must impress on a runway for a real audience of unenthusiastic production assistants and the judges. They are introduced to their host, runway coach Paul Morton. Paul has a headful of bouncy reddish brown ringlets like Rachel True. He must go through a tub of Curly Pudding every three days.
Immediately, we discover that Paula has a problem. Remember those heels she bought 6 months ago? Well, it turns out that they aren't actually heels, they're more akin to a broke down pair of Payless wedges and she's going to have to learn to walk in the real thing for the show. Isn't this something that should have been taken care of during the auditions?
Celeste feins surprised that the contestants will have to wear swimsuits on the runway. "Oh my God," she say, "who told them to put swimsuits on models over 35!" Then we see her in a two piece and she looks incredible, she also gets to share with the fitter that she's 50! Can you believe it? Celeste is like that hardbody chick in the dressing room at Target that feels the need to pop out and examine her body in the three way mirror in full view of everyone. She's only doing this to get compliments. "My ass looks so big in this doesn't it?...No? I look amazing and flawless...okay well, if YOU say so!" These women are bitches to the bone.
That beauty salon guy from last week is back and getting his revenge on Paula. Not only is her foundation a good 4 shades darker than it should be but he slaps a blonde wig on her head. Here's something about Paula that maybe you didn't notice at first. She has no neck and what little she does have is completely hidden by this wig. The overall effect makes her look like Hightower from those Police Academy movies sans the mustache.
Onto the show. Roxanne makes an ass of herself, slinking onto the stage like an extra from Bordello of Blood. Celeste walks like she has a bladder infection. Karin is akward as hell and Paula...well, we knew this was coming, Paula clomps onto the stage like a Clydesdale in kitten heels. It is truly awful and very comical. Roshumba can barely hold her sh*t together watching the display. Worst still, at one point it looks like Paula may be winking at the audience but it also kind of looks like an eyelash just came loose.
I promised myself that I wouldn't laught at Paula this week and yet here I am, on the floor cracking up. I won't spoil the ending for you but dayum, there is just no defending that walk.